We're Beautiful

Bismillah,

Belakangan ini gue sering denger cerita teman-teman dengan tema yang hampir sama. Yap! mereka kurang percaya diri terhadap diri mereka sendiri. Entah dari never ending blemish and acne, postur tubuh, hingga warna kulit. Gue pun pernah dalam masa itu, gue pusing luar biasa dengan keribetan muka gue yang jika kotor atau stress sedikit pasti keliatan dan timbul jerawat di muka, gue pun memiliki postur tubuh yg gak normal dari wanita di luar sana, kurus bahkan terlalu kurus. Makanya gue paham emosi yang mereka rasakan. Kalian bisa tanya ke kakak gue, betapa gue desperate nya dengan never ending treatment for my face. Dokter kulit? Udah. Modern treatment? Udah. Traditional treatment? Udah. Apalagi? Atur hormon aja sih yg belum, kata dokter memang hormonal di umur gue itu msh ga stabil dan kalo mau stabil ya nikah dan punya anak. But please Doc, I am just 21 yo. Yeah, gue juga ada dalam fase gak PD, ke kampus pake masker karena lagi jerawatan parah (pada saat itu gue nyusun TA dan magang pada waktu yg sama), trs selalu bingung pakaian ke kampus, karena salah baju aja gue bisa kelihatan kurus bgt dan itu mempengaruhi mood gue seharian.

Tapi, semua berubah seiring berjalannya waktu. Waktu dan lingkungan telah mendewasakan gue (tsah). Iyaaa, skrg gue lebih bisa menerima. Menerima dalam konteks bersyukur pada apa yang Allah kasih, gak komplain pada hal yg ga bisa diubah, dan berusaha untuk selalu lebih baik setiap harinya. Hal simple yg gue lakukan itu gue tau kalau muka gue kotor akan timbul jerawat jadi gue hrs merawat kulit muka mau sengantuk atau selelah apapun, kalau lagi stress hrs segera refreshing biar ga kelamaan dan nanti jadi jerawat. Postur tubuh? Gue skrg lagi giat sekali atur gizi dan juga mix n match pakaian. Dan belakangan ini, alhamdulillah.. Mulai ada komentar "muka lo bersihan banget deh, pake apa?" "Gemukan deeh" "paha lo skrg lebih gede juga kayaknya" untuk yg gemuk kayaknya itu karena angle nya aja dan pipi gue emang tembem jd suka pembohongan publik padahal badan sama aja. Yaa beberapa komentar positif udah berdatangan, alhamdulillah.

Oiya, dukungan orang sekitar juga penting. Kakak gue selalu ngasih solusi untuk keribetan muka ini dan mood swing yang gue sendiri malas mengingatnya. Kalau lagi jerawatan gue itu cranky banget, ganggu deh pokonya.

Gue: nanti gausah komentar muka ya, aku lagi jelek.
Mbak Evi: ih kamu cantik kok, gemukin dikit biar tambah cantik ya

Lalu skrg ada Dev, dia orang asing pertama yang bilang kalau gue gak perlu pasang kawat gigi, katanya lucuk. Trs dia suka cewek kurus, dia bilang biar pas punya anak nanti gak akan oversize karena postur aslinya kurus. Kalo muka, dia suka nyindir (dia sangat sarkas tapi beruntung gue ga pernah ambil pusing sama omongannya) tp setelah sarkasnya keluar, pasti dia selalu bilang "kamu itu cantik tau, makanya ke dokter yuk aku temenin trs nanti perawatannya kan bareng aku jd gak males. Aku jg jd ada temennya kalo bulan depan mau ke dokter lagi." Lalu kalau gue lagi gak PD karena banyak bgt cewek yg jauh lebih cantik dalam perspektif gue misalnya kayak Raisa, Pevita, artis Korea yg kaki dan mukanya super flawless.

Gue: cantik banget ya diaaa, aku aja yg cewek suka liatnya huhu
Devid: nggak, cantikkan kamu kok.

Iya,  gue tau sih lagi diboongin tapi ttp aja cengar-cengir senang hehehe alhamdulillah, dia sebaik itu, sugesti positif yang gue terima semakin banyak dan kuat sehingga membuat gue semakin PD dan menghargai diri gue sendiri.

Dan faktor lain yg penting adalah kita semua hrs punya etika. Never mocking someone by they appearance or physical. Kita gak pernah tau akan sedalam apa dampaknya untuk orang yg kita ejek. Gue selalu berusaha untuk gak komentar masalah fisik (terlebih muka dan postur tubuh) karena gue pun gak mau dikomentarin, kalau ditanya komentarnya gue baru mau ngomong dan itu pun lebih ke saran aja. That's it. Seriously, I hate people who complaining and mocking bout other person's flaw. Bitch please, nobody is perfect and we 're beautiful just the way we are so please don't even compare yourself with others.

Ciao!

Surat Cinta Untuk Devid

Bismillah,

Sore ini di kantor, aku memutuskan untuk menulis lagi di blog ini. Entah sudah seberapa usang blog ini karena telah lama sekali aku asingkan. Aku hanya bisa menulis pada saat emosi yang sangat buruk dan sangat bagus. Yeah, I’m not truly writer :/

Aku mau bercerita tentang seorang laki-laki. Ah, aku malu! Sejujurnya aku memutuskan untuk menulis ini punaku perlu waktu satu minggu. Aku paling malu kalau harus bercerita mengenai lawan jenis yang aku sukai, aku merasa masih terlalu dini untuk berbagi kisah kalau aku juga perempuan yang bisa menyukai lawan jenis dan ingin disayangi. Cliche.

Laki-laki ini kukenal melalui cara yang tidak biasa, melalui keisengan kawan yang tidak disengaja hingga akhirnya aku bisa mengenalnya sampai sekarang (aku tak mau menceritakan detail awal kami kenal :p). Laki-laki ini hmm mari sebut saja si Alis Tebal memiliki cara yang unik di awal perkenalan kita, Ia sama sekali berbeda dengan laki-laki kebanyakan yang biasanya bertanya “sedang sibuk apa?, lagi ngapain? Udah makan belum?” dan hal lain yang menurutku sangat cheezy. Yeah, I’m not that typical, I’m bored with kind of that guy. Jadi, si Alis Tebal ini ternyata sudah mencari tahu semua tentang diriku melalui media sosial yang kumiliki (Ia mengaku belakangan ini). Ia mencoba menarik perhatianku dengan obrolan yang tidak kusangka sama sekali, pada saat itu Ia tahu kalau aku baru saja lulus kuliah berdasarkan foto-foto di Facebook ku yang penuh dengan ucapan selamat dan foto saat wisuda jadilah Ia mengajakku ngobrol tentang berbagai hal dari mulai: what will I do for next phase? I told him about my passion to work at advertising agency and surprisingly he had a friend that working at my dream’s digital agency. I told him about my college’s life, my personalities and even my daily activities.

You know what? At the first time we met, I asked him to accompany me to ride City Tour Jakarta well known as Bus Tingkat HAHAHAHA such a random request but he agree! Our first time meeting was awesome, I felt so happy and we spent almost 12 hours together... It was such rare moment, because I haven't ever spend my day with stranger more than 5 hours. Then the next week he asked me to be his companion to go to his daddy’s friend, he told me that he doesn’t know any one yet so I agree with his request too.

We met every week, we got closer day by day. I introduced him to my sister, my friend, and I told him about my life. I shared story that I will share only with my close friend. I told him everything about me, the truly me and he did it too. I got signal that he really appreciate and respect me as well. It’s kinda blessing.

One day, after work hour he asked me to accompany him to had dinner together. We finished the dinner and just sat at his car, talked and shared everything. We always do that, anyway. With my deepest heart and a lil bit felt nervous, I asked him about something happen between us and what he feel bout me and this condition. Honestly, I felt something wrong with my heart is several days before hahaha I felt butterflies in my tummy and my heart beat got faster if he did something to me. Well, he told me what he feel, what he want to know about me, what will he do with me. I told him that I want serious relationship cause I’m so tired with bad guy so I told him bout my life goal and he agree with this condition. Bless me, again.


Dear Devid,

I know it’s kinda cheezy when i wrote this one but you asked me to write something about you at my blog, rite? #oops

Anyway, thank God. He sent you into my life, He gave me someone that I always asked for. Good guy engineer from ITB Bandung and SMA 8 Jakarta (those background education has always mentioned when we debate bout the best school and campus.. ah you always be the winner) , older than me, and you had eyebrows. Could not ask more!

Dev, I really know that you wanna see me growing up and be mature. I promise you, I’m on progress right know. You will be proud with me some day. Hopefully, we could through every circumstance and condition. May Allah always be with us and shower His loves to us.

Dev, I cannot believe that you’re beside me right now. I could count on you whenever i need every thing. I could say and ask something random without feel shy and not confident anymore, I could doing anything with you.

Dev, as you’re my huge fans, my part time companion and my full time lover now. Please be patient to me, don’t ever giving up on me, and tell me everything that you want to say. Got it?

Ok, this is the last paragraph. I know it will not easy and maybe rough, but please trust each other ya. I trust you and you have to try it too. We have to make this one worth. We deserve something great if we try hard, rite? So will you hold me in every condition?

PS: Alasyu

Yours.

After watching show at Planetarium <3

Surat Untuk Mantan

Di sudut coffee shop itu,  ada kita. Dulu aku merasa mencintaimu seperti menikmati seporsi mint frozen yogurt. Kebekuan hatimu, dingin menyentuhku. Tak cukup satu sendok untuk merasamu. Butir pahit yang melebur di dalamnya justru membuatku menyendoknya lagi, dan lagi

Iya, kamu dan aku adalah individu yang begitu berbeda. Kita memiliki watak dan cara bermain yang tak sama, namun semuanya (saat itu) terasa menjadi warna. Kita tak memiliki cukup banyak waktu bersama, seolah-olah waktu tak membiarkan aku terlalu lama denganmu, entah ia cemburu olehmu yang membuat senyum yang tertoreh di wajahku atau ia justru senang karena akhirnya aku berhenti menangis karena kerinduan yang dalam kepadamu.     

I won’t tell you how much it wrecked me when you said you were seeing someone else. How gutted I felt.

I won’t tell you how much I needed you, needed our relationship. How much it meant to me.

I will never tell you that I wanted it to last. That I wanted to be your person.

….
And I will never tell you that I hate myself for still caring.

PS: Tulisan ini diikutsertakan untuk lomba #suratuntukruth novel Bernard Batubara

Puisi Jolie

Bismillah,

Jadi, kemarin malam chat dengan @rorrisaustin tentang kuliah, dia bercerita kalo semester 6 ini dapet mata kuliah mengenai puisi. Oiya, Jolie ku ini (nama panggilan sayangku) skrg di Sastra Inggris UI angkatan 2011. Dia bilang ga pede kalo bikin puisi dan semacamnya, trs aku tetep kekeuh mau liat hasil tugas dia dong. Yang pertama adalah simile poem ini contohnya:

Yang kedua adalah acrostic poem, awalnya dia ngasih tau hasil tulisan dengan inisial nama "Rorrisa" dan ternyata itu bagus banget, trs aku iseng aja minta buatin heuheu eh sekitar setengah jam gitu, dia kirim ini dong :')

Strong (h)eart in the weak body
Pretending smile (a)fter tears
But (n)ot humble nor arrogant
Plays your own life's (i)nstrument

(L)ady Laila Lady Laila
Your beautiful (a)ngel standing besides you
Whispering (i)nfinity prayers
(L)ady Laila Lady Laila
You're not (a)lone, your angel holds your hand

 iyah, "hani laila" *mbrebes mili*

Doi sih udah kusuruh buat blog biar tulisannya bisa dinikmati orang lain gitu ya, eh gamau... kupikir ah nih anak pemalu banget pasti deh padahal masterpiece nya bagus, trs dia jawab "aku males ngurusin blog ah" ERRRRRRRR #kirimrudal

sekian ceritanya hihihi

Salam, Xx

These are The Things I Will Never Tell You

Bismillah

I will never tell you that I loved you. But I guess I did tell you, once, when we were gigling at the late night traffic pass through the city. And I guess I told you one other time-in that chatting after everything ended. Except it wasn't everything. It was just the things that I could get down, the things that I had the courage to type and send.

There are some things that I just can never and will never tell you.

I will never tell you how you made me feel more comfortable in my own skin that anyone else ever has.

I will never tell uou how much I needed you, needed our relationship. How much it meant to me and didn't try to be little or manipulate. Or maybe you did?

I will never tell you how alive I felt with you and how young.

I will never tell you how your place felt like home to me. How comfortable I felt among your minimalist furniture.

I will never tell you that sometimes I wondered what you saw in me. In the end, I guess it wasn't enough.

I will never tell you how mas I was that things ended on your terms. And yet, how relieved I was when it was finally over.

I will never tell you that I wanted it to last. That I wanted to be your person.

I will never tell you that hurts even more than not being together. I miss my best friend everyday.

I will never tell you how much it wrecked me when you said you were seeing someone else. How gutted I felt.

I will never tell you how horrible it made me feel that she met you family so much sooner that me. Ah I haven't met them yet.

And I will never tell you that I hate myself for still caring.

Salam.

Source: @ThoughtCatalog and Tumblr